Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
