There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
