i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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