It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
