omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Redeem this text for a blowjob
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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