stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
