Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Randomize
