Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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