check it out our google latitudes are spooning
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
