Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize