I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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