i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
