no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
