So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
