I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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