cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
false alarm, still single
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
