On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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