i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
