Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
