Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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