do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
