My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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