Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His hands were made for my vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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