Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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