i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
