I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
