wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize