so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
