I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
