wakey wakey hands off snakey
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
