you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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