I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
