I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Someone shit on the floor
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
