Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
