i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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