I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
