saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
