I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize