dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
