Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
