Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
