dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
