I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
