I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
