this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
