Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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