I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
