let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
