I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
