my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
