Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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