the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
