The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
where are my eyebrows?
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