Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
