i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
