I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
