i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize