I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
