I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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