she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
