It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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