I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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