Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
