she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
