You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
