It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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