I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
