You're earring is so big in my mouth
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
