sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
