my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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