It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
