shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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