I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So. Much. Porn.
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