Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
a search helicopter?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
