Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
