# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
