i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
