Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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