No stitches, just platelets and will power
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hippo gnu deer
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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