you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
