I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
