Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
