Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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