The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
