Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
