Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize