i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
