I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When are your genitals available?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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