so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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