In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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