the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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