if only i could text you this smell
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
