Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
