you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
