I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
