Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
