I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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