when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
be right there i have to get my cape
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
