Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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