saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
