She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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