I just saw a hot homeless man
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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