There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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